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Alright, for some reason the want of a cigarette has been coming back on me. It's a good thing they are so friggin expensive now or I may have gone and bought a pack.
I have no clue as to why, maybe its just being outdoors where I can smoke if I want to, but the urges are coming back a little bit. I can dismiss it with a thought pretty much, but I was hoping to be past a lot of this now.
Any thoughts or advice?Current Mood:  confused |
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Ya know, I have been writing this darn thing for over a year and I think I have received like 2 comments from the same person the entire time. Doesn't anyone have any reactions to what I am writing, or any thoughts?
Click the link if something triggers a thought. Lemme know what you are thinking, what my blog makes you feel, etc. |
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Well, this past weekend was eventful to say the least. And everything I had to deal with made me want another cigarette that much more.
First was something rather simple really. My wife and I spent the weekend up in Wisconsin staying at a lodge near Lake Geneva. Walking around town I found myself wishing for a cigarette. Then Saturday evening we went to the Geneva Lakes Kennel Club (aka: dog track) for dinner. Well, you can smoke anywhere in there so I could smell other people smoking. It still smells so good to me that it was making me want one!
Then we had a huge stress grenade land on us on Sunday afternoon when we got back. I won't go into details here in respect for the person involved, but the stress from that, and the arguments it caused between my wife and I almost had me packing my bags and leaving home. I wanted a cigarette so bad to deal with that stress. It is still there even today. I feel like I am fighting off the urges I felt when I was first quitting. I am finding myself being cranky, extremely quick to anger, and just generally crabby. And when I do get angry about something, which doesn't take much right now, I am getting so angry I feel like I am going to explode! How the hell am I supposed to deal with this stress in my life and resist the temptation to go but a pack of cigarettes? When I used to smoke I remember that if something bothered me I would go somewhere and have a cigarette. That would allow me to relax and enjoy the cigarette, and have time to myself. I have none of that now. No time to myself, nothing left liek that to enjoy, nothing.
There are times I wonder why I truly quit smoking. I know it is helping my health, but I have gained a bunch of weight that hasn't gone away. I know the weight isn't worse, but it certainly feels like it. There are just so many stress factors going on in my life right now that I could very easily go back to smoking. I almost WANT to.Current Mood:  distressed Current Music: None...just silence |
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It's one of those blah Monday's so I figured I might as well get things back up to date here.
We hung out with my cousin's girlfriend and her two boys for all day Saturday. That was cool. She headed down to the garage to have a cigarette, so I decided to join her. We have been talking a lot more with her recently so she is nice to talk in depth with. As soon as she lit the cigarette, I was tempted to ask for one, or at least one puff. But I resisted. Man, it smelled good though! I just kept remembering that even though it smelled good, I remembered that it tasted bad the last time I tried one.
So we talked for a while and she killed off about 3 cigarettes. That helped her out to relax, gave us a chance to talk, and at least let me enjoy the smell of them. Sounds weird I know, but to me they still smell good.
So at least I resisted another tempting moment where I could have had one if I had asked. She may have checked with me to make sure I was sure I wanted one, but I think she would have given me one if I did ask her.Current Mood:  blah |
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Ok, I am not sure if I believe this myself. People talk about how time flies, but I can not believe it has now been officially more than a year that I have been smoke free!
There are still times that I miss cigarettes for different reasons, but after that time a few months ago where I bought some of my own old brand and tried them again, I know they taste horrible to me now. That's a good thing.
So...Here's to looking forward to year two!Current Mood:  happy Current Music: None...no radio on right now |
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